ENN: The Cult of Kweh???

A crowd begins to gather around the aetheryte projector positioned in the corner of the pub, a

mix of Gridanian locals and visiting travelers eagerly awaiting the weekly show. The low rumble

of the audience dies as the screen flickers for a few seconds. Slowly, the form of a Miqo’te

woman dressed in explorer’s garb takes shape.

“This is Moxi Floxacin, reporting for the Eorzean News Network on site from the forest of the

eastern Shroud. Rumors have been circulating in recent months that a secretive group has been

meeting here for unknown reasons. They call themselves ‘The Cult of Kweh’, and locals tell us

their activities range from odd, ritualistic dancing to live Lalafell sacrifices. As your intrepid

reporter, I’m here to get the real story!”

The image flickers for a moment and the scene switches to evening at another spot within the

forest. The reporter is nestled inside a bush, leaves sticking out of her hair and her face painted

in stripes of green as some sort of rudimentary camouflage. The camera slowly scans the view

from the bush as figures emerge from the forest. They are all dressed in yellow, some in formal

suits, some in gowns, others just wearing underwear, but all…yellow.

Speaking in a hushed voice, the reporter glances at the camera, then back at the gathering

cultists. “They’re all wearing the same color, obviously it has some sort of symbolic meeting.

The leader seems to be pulling something out of a bag. It looks like…oh my god! It’s a chocobo

head? I can’t tell from here if it’s an actual decapitated chocobo head that has been

fashioned into a headdress, or just a good imitation.”

One by one, the cultists gathered in a circle, all putting on their own chocobo heads. After

donning them, the bird-adorned members slowly start swaying out of sync with each other. As

the odd, trancelike dancing continues, the cult leader stands up on a stump, looking down on

those gathered before him and holds his hands up above his head. A silence falls over the

forest clearing as all eyes are on him.

“My chicks, we are here to worship the one true Kweh! We are all hatched from his divine egg,

and only through his divine grace can we all ascend to the great nest in the sky. Praise Kweh!”

The crowd throws their hands up in jubilation, all crying at once, “Praise Kweh! And praise

Father Jimmy!”

The camera quickly pivots back to the reporter, “Divine egg? Great nest in the sky? What does it

all mean? And what plans does this cult have for the rest of Eorzea? Tune in to my follow-up

stories as I untangle the mysteries of the Cult of Kweh! Moxi Floxacin for ENN, signing off!”

Written by Moxi Floxicin